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HOUSE OF H.E.R
Welcome to House of H.E.R. (Healed, Empowered, Rich) a space for women who have been through it… and are choosing themselves anyway.
This podcast is hosted by Hollie a mum, survivor of domestic abuse, late-diagnosed with ADHD, and a woman rebuilding her life from the inside out. House of H.E.R. is rooted in real experiences of domestic abuse trauma, healing, and starting again when everything you thought you were has fallen away.
Here we talk about emotional and domestic abuse, trauma bonding, ADHD, nervous system healing, self-worth, identity loss, motherhood, and the messy middle of becoming someone new. These are honest conversations for women who are tired of pretending they’re fine and ready to feel safe in themselves again.
This podcast is for the woman who is just coming out of survival mode. The woman who is exhausted, confused, grieving who she used to be, and questioning everything but still standing. If you’re learning how to feel again, how to trust yourself again, and how to exist without fear, this space was made for you.
You don’t need to be healed to be here. You don’t need the answers. You just need somewhere that understands what it costs to leave and what it takes to begin again.
HOUSE OF H.E.R
The Truth About Trauma Bonds: Why Leaving Isn’t Simple
Trigger warning: This episode covers abuse, trauma and mental health. Please listen when you feel ready.
What if leaving wasn’t the hardest part?
In this raw and deeply honest episode, Hollie and Mollie unravel one of the most confusing and painful parts of abuse recovery, trauma bonding.
From brain chemistry to heartbreak, from missing someone who hurt you to rebuilding your sense of self, this conversation is both an education and a lifeline.
If you’ve ever thought “Why do I still miss him?” or “Am I going mad?”, this episode is for you. You are not alone. You are not broken. And there is life on the other side of this.
What Is Trauma Bonding?
- Trauma bonding happens when a person develops a strong emotional attachment to someone who is abusive or harmful toward them.
- It's driven by cycles of intense highs and lows - affection, followed by abuse, then affection again
- which create confusion and dependency.
- The bond can feel incredibly powerful, making it very hard for a person to leave even a dangerous relationship.
The Brain Chemistry Behind It
- Trauma bonding isn't just emotional - it's biochemical.
- After an abusive incident, the brain craves relief and connection, and when the abuser provides affection again, the brain releases dopamine (the feel-good chemical).
- Cortisol (the stress hormone) spikes during fear or conflict, then drops when the abuser is kind again, making the brain associate relief with the abuser.
- This chemical rollercoaster can become addictive, reinforcing the bond.
Why It's So Confusing
- People often wonder: "Why don't they just leave?" but trauma bonding can deeply affect judgement and self-esteem.
- The victim may hold on to memories of the "good times" and believe they can get the loving side of the person back.
- Abusers often isolate victims from friends and family, making the bond even stronger because the abuser becomes the centre of the victim's world.
It's Not Only Romantic Relationships
Trauma bonds can happen in various relationships:
- Romantic partners
- Parent-child dynamics
- Friendships
- Cults or extremist groups
- Workplaces with abusive leadership
Interesting Facts
- Stockholm Syndrome is a form of trauma bonding, where hostages develop sympathy for their captors.
- Trauma bonds can form surprisingly quickly, sometimes within days, in highly intense situations.
- The longer the cycle continues, the harder it becomes to break the bond because of entrenched neurological pathways.
- Even after leaving, victims may miss the abuser and feel tempted to reconnect, due to those deep emotional hooks.
- Therapy approaches like trauma-informed counselling, EMDR, and somatic therapy can help people break trauma bonds and heal.
Signs You Might Be in a Trau
House of H.E.R. is a space for women who have lived through abuse, trauma, and relationships that broke them. This podcast exists to tell the truth, raise awareness around domestic abuse, and remind you that you are not alone in what you’re healing from.
Resources & support:
https://stan.store/houseofherpod
Join our healing community:
https://patreon.com/HOUSEOFHER
Follow @houseofher__ and my personal account @holliedowdingx on Instagram and please share this episode with a woman who might need it 🥀